i am blessed

I wasn't going to write tonight and frankly, I don't have a lot to say, but I happened to read the latest blog entry from our nanny, Bethany, and I decided I had to share.  Every parent knows that there is nothing more important than knowing that, in the hours you aren't able to be with your children , they are not just well-taken care of, but loved and cherished (whether its only a few hours every week or so while you go to the store or on a date, or its all day long while you are at work).  We have been so fortunate to always have quality childcare providers, from our parents, to our siblings, to my sisters friends for weekend and nighttime babysitting to the full-time providers we have trusted.  We had an incredible experience with Bracktown Academy, where are children were loved and nurtured and educated.  Now, we are fortunate enough to be in a position to have a full-time nanny.  And I cannot say enough about how incredible she is.  See for yourself - http://tinyurl.com/4c7hxvl. 

i am not a lawyer

I am fascinated by how much we identify ourselves with our careers.  I think this is particularly true for the traditional "professions" - like law, medicine, etc.  But I never imagined when I graduated from law shool that I would put so much stock in that label - "lawyer." 

Of course, when I started law school I didn't plan to go work at a big firm for a big salary.  I was going to save the world.  As I told my dad, "I'm going to represent poor people."  Well, unless you can make the argument that some former big bank/big pharma/big mortgage company executives are now poor, that didn't really work out.  So, life isn't always what you planned (that appears to already be a theme on this blog).

I figured out pretty early that I wanted out of big law, but it's not an easy transition to make.  Despite what they tell you when you go to law school about how you "can do anything with a law degree," not everyone recognizes your transferable skills when you don't have actual experience in any other industry.   Eventually, however, I got lucky.  Seriuosly.  There are some things I have worked very hard for in my life, but I fell into my current job.  Literally.  And I love it.  I didn't even know that was possible.  I really believed that if you made a certain amount of money, you had to be miserable - that was just the tradeoff.  I listened to people talk about loving what they do and I didn't believe them.  I thought they were just trying to make themselves feel better.  But now I get it.

When I started this job, I really struggled with not being a "lawyer."  I even tried to make the argument to my then boss that I should somehow be in the legal deparment - which we don't have, by the way - just a general counsel - and that's not me.  Being stripped of that label was humbling.  That was weird because I never knew I paid so much attention to a label.  I have slowly overcome that sentiment and have become much more comfortable with the fact that I have chosen to do something else - and that's OK.  But every once in a while, it creeps back up - for instance, I found myself in a meeting with outside counsel a few weeks ago trying every way possible to work into the conversation that I was a lawyer - so they would know that I "fit" with them, or that I was as smart as them, or something.  Frankly, I don't even know what it was.

That meeting aside, I feel like I have really come a long way in the past  month or so in this arena and I have shed myself of that need for a label that will impress others.  So, I'm making a declaration now - I am not a lawyer.  And I don't know if I ever will be again. 

i am married (again)

Last night, on our 8th anniversary, my husband and I renewed our vows. Our pastor told us that we were the youngest people for whom he had ever performed such a service. What is unique about our situation is that though we were married 8 years ago, we divorced 5 years ago. We reconciled a year later and though we intended to renew our vows, we never did (to be clear, we have been married during that time - you can annul a divorce in Kentucky). So last night, after 3 years of what any married person would innately know has been a long road, we formally recommitted ourselves to each other.  The funny thing is that I don't think there was a more appropriate time at an earlier date to do this.  After a lot of work, we are at just the right place to be able to honestly say those words to each other.  And in the theme of my previous post, I feel content.

i am happy

I have been thinking for several years about this phrase "I am happy."  Mostly because people have been asking me, "Are you happy?"  Or just saying to me, "I just want you to be happy."  I usually hear this in connection with a conversation about my marriage - which has seen its ups and downs.  And I have come to discover a truth - I'm not even sure how I came to understand it, but it is this - happiness is a feeling.  When someone says "are you happy?", I want to say, "now? five minutes ago?  this morning?  because I was sad at one point today, and angry and happy . . .."  God never promised us happiness.  God promised joy and peace, but not happiness.  The general cultural sentiment, however, is that we "deserve" to be "happy." 

I have come to understand, however, that when those closest to me ask, they really mean, "are you joyful, are you fulfulfilled, are you at peace?"  Well, here's my answer, I am on a journey, but if what you mean by happy, is am I all of those things, then yes, I am happy.

I love, love, love, this description of where we can find that kind of happiness and how we as women really struggle with the temptation to find it other places - http://www.incourage.me/2011/03/who-calls-you-happy.html.

i am the wife of a vegan

We are on a self-improvement kick in this house.  I am particularly proud of my husband, who has made drastic changes in his life - from eating and drinking habits to workout routine to a commitment to meditation and Bible study.  Most notably, thanks to my habit of dvring (is that a word?) Oprah, about a month ago, he decided to try a "vegan experiment."  The commitment was to eat vegan for one month.  I was supremely irritated by this.  As someone said when I told them about this, "does he know that you are from Somerset, Ky?"  Even our vegetables have meat in them - we boil green beans in country ham for God's sake.  But, I decided I needed a kick in the pants related to health and eating and I really didn't want everyone in the house eating four different meals (we have two boys - 3 and 5 - and we aren't those good parents who make them eat what we eat - but that's another post), so I committed to joining him.  Well, I committed to joining him for meals at home, at least, but after I tried it for a few days, I decided I could do it for a month also.  Knowing all along, of course, that I love meat and would go back to eating it.

It is day 21 and while I have cheated with a little bit of cheese twice, some chocolate candy today and eggs on Sunday morning, I have been quite impressed with my ability to join in this experiment.  And even more impressed with the effect on me - I've eaten things I didn't know I liked (like cucumbers) and I have more energy than I've had in my adult life.  I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it to the end of the month, but this has been a really significant experience.  I discussed it with a friend yesterday and she told me I had inspired her to think about the things she needs to change in her life.  Pretty powerful for an experiment I didn't want to be a part of.

Here's the thing, though, I'm not a vegan.  Just isn't me.  But now, my husband is.  He has been so pleased with the drastic impact it has had on his health (he had a lot more going on health-wise that we now know was diet related) that he has decided to be a vegan.   And I am struggling with how to be supportive.  Because really - it's kind of an inconvenience.  It's hard to eat at people's houses, it's hard to eat at restaurants (particularly in KY) and it's hard to eat at home, with children.  But that's my life now.  I am married to a vegan.  And I'm very proud of him.