but (at least) i am NOT "that" woman

On the topic of judgment, and therefore insecurity (because that's where judgment comes from isn't it?), we all like to compare ourselves.  We all like to know someone is more neurotic, messier, less organized, less put together, not as smart, or generally, crazier, than us - don't we? 

I had a series of weird things going on with my body for almost two months.  This led me to more doctor's visits than I have had in the past several years combined.  And lots of tests.  Seriously - two CT scans, an ultrasound (not the kind for pregnancy - just to be clear), blood tests, and lots of evaluations.  These very expensive hoops I jumped through led to two conclusions.  (1) I was stressed out (really? someone gets paid to tell me that?) and (2) I had a sinus infection - no kidding, a CT scan told me I had a sinus infection.  While all this was occurring, I worried every time I called the doctor.  Not that I had some life threatening illness, but that that there was some flag on my file that said "hypochondriac" or that my insurance company was going to start denying my visits. 

I seriously felt like a crazy person.  And then, of course, I would have to compensate for that.  Every time I called to make an appointment, I would say something like "it's me again. ..."  Or when I would go into the exam room, I would make sure to say to the nurse AND then again to the doctor, "you know, this isn't like me.  I feel like you must think I'm crazy."

Most of the time, they brushed me off, but on one visit, the nurse said, "honey, you have no idea, we have one lady who is here 3 times a week and inssits on calling several times a day."  Amazingly, just her saying this made me feel SO much better. 

How sad is that?  Some poor lady out there has serious issues that cause her to constantly be calling the doctoer, but somehow that makes me feel better.  I need someone to be crazier than me.  So I can say "at least I'm not her." 

I know we all do it, but I want to move past that level of insecurity - to where I don't care if I'm "that" woman and hopefully, "that" woman doesn't care if I approve of her or not.